


there are ghosts in the walls

by spooky_mulder



Series: i'll crawl home to her [2]
Category: Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616
Genre: F/M, Fix-It, Post-Black Widow Hunt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-04 10:45:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12769386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spooky_mulder/pseuds/spooky_mulder
Summary: Buck and Nat are gonna fall in love again and it's going to be beautiful bc I miss them v much.





	there are ghosts in the walls

**Author's Note:**

> This is a continuation of my fic Years of Experience, set after Black Widow Hunt. (I do love Waid/Samnee's run of Black Widow, but for the purpose of continuing my fic, I'm ignoring that canon)

It had been four months since he last saw Natasha. It had been four months since that damn holiday party. Not a day went by where he didn’t think about the kiss under the mistletoe with Natasha. She was his soulmate and the love of his life. There was no moving on from that. Her memories of him had been stolen from her and there was no fixing it. 

On the days where the pain of losing her was too much, he would wish he could forget it all, too. At least he was the only one who had to suffer the heartbreak. 

But then he’d remember how in love they were and all the days they were able to spend together and would feel selfish for even  _ thinking _ about wanting the memories to all go away. He had to cherish those memories enough for the both of them. Forgetting a single one would feel like a crime. Choosing to forget when she never got the choice was not fair to her.

* * *

The first couple weeks after the holiday party, the kiss had only come to mind a few times. Mostly because she was curious about his reaction to kissing her. But knowing it was none of her business, she tried to push the thought away.

Two months had gone by and she had failed to push the kiss from her thoughts. She couldn’t help but think of the almost familiar feeling of that kiss. The kind of familiar feeling two people who had been in love for years would feel. But that was hardly possible since she barely even knew him. 

But being the curious person she is, she asked around about what had happened to him and only received answers that made the situation even more confusing. Breaking up with your girlfriend and losing your girlfriend are two very different situations. The spy knew it wasn’t her place to dig further into his personal life, but she couldn’t quite shake the small voice in the back of her head telling her to figure him out. He was obviously hiding something and had several people in on his secret. 

Given time, Natasha Romanoff could always find out someone’s secrets. 

* * *

James furrowed his brown when he heard a knock at his door. He hadn’t been expecting any guests and wasn’t really sure who would visit him this late at night. He was surprised to see Natasha when he looked through the peephole but opened the door for her anyway. 

Instead of a friendly greeting, he was met with a shove on his shoulders as she forced her way into his apartment and shut the door behind her. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Her voice was loud and demanding. 

James stood in silence, suddenly overwhelmed by the situation. He struggled to even get out, “I…”

She shoved him again, this time not nearly as rough as before. “Spit it out, Barnes! You  _ lied  _ to me. You got our friends to lie to me.” Her face crinkled up momentarily, showing just how hurt by that she was. Even in her line of work, being lied to sometimes still had an affect on her. 

Slumping his shoulders, he took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. He wasn’t going to be able to tell her everything and his reasons why if he was going to get emotional. His voice was quiet when he spoke, “I thought it was for the best that you didn’t know.” 

“The best for me or for  _ you _ ?” She crossed her arms over her chest, her words coming out like a venom.

“I  _ thought  _ I was doing what was best for you… but I guess not.” He looked down, not wanting to meet her eyes. “How was I supposed to ask what you wanted when you didn’t even know who I was?” 

The spy stared at him, staying silent. When she didn’t respond to his question he looked up, locking eyes together. His eyebrows raised, a look of slight impatience at her silence on his face. 

“Look, James…” Her voice was suddenly calm but with a slight twinge of annoyance, “I’m sure you were in a tough spot but I just wish you had  _ at least _ told me memories were stolen from me. Instead you disappeared and I was told I had an accident on a mission. That I had had a concussion and what was why I couldn’t remember this supposed accident.” She sighed before walking across the room to sit on what used to be  _ their  _ couch. James continued to stand in the same place, but turned to face her. “You of all people should understand what it’s like to realize you have gaps in your memories.” Tossing her hands up in exasperation, sounding defeated at this point with all the anger in her voice now gone. “And then you go and kiss me and it was like... something clicked.”

James didn’t dare to interrupt her or even move from his spot until she was finished. He always had a feeling this day would come but was never certain about how he would react. Suddenly feeling self conscience about the fact that he still had a framed photo of the two of them on the side table by the couch, he quickly sat down to block her view of it. He half turned toward her so he could face her when he spoke. “I wanted to tell you. I’ve thought about telling you everyday since. You deserved to know but I was hurting and I thought maybe you wouldn’t...” He trailed off, too embarrassed to admit anything further.

“Do you have any idea how selfish that is, James?” He could tell she was trying to not raise her voice again. All he could do was nod his head in response to her question. “You were afraid of being rejected when I literally could not remember you. Heartbreak hurts, James, that’s why it’s called that. But not remembering part of your life hurts more.” 

“I was thinking with my heart and not my brain.” He scooted closer and took ahold of her hand out of old habit. She started to pull her hand back and James felt his stomach sink when she just as quickly grabbed a tight hold of him instead. “I need you to believe me when I say I truly am really, really sorry. It’s too late to change my choices, but I want to make it up to you however I can.”

“Thank you, I appreciate it.” She gave his hand a gentle squeeze before letting it go. “You can start by trying not to keep me from seeing that picture of us on the table.” 

His face turned red, embarrassed that he had been caught. “Oh um…”

“Let me see it.” She held her hand out and he reached over to grab the picture frame. He looked at it momentarily, his lips quirking up in a quick smile at seeing the two of them with their arm tight around each other and the biggest smiles plastered on their faces. 

James handed it to her and watched her study it, wondering what she was thinking. He wasn’t sure how long she stared at the photo but it felt like an eternity before she spoke. “We look happy.” 

“We were happy. You mean--meant everything to me.” 

Staying silent, she handed the photo back and he placed it on the table again. James didn’t dare to break the silence. It was probably strange for her to be looking a photo she didn’t remember taking. 

Natasha had been looking down at her lap, thumbs twirling together when she spoke again. “I’m sorry.”  

James brought his brows together, confused by her apology. He didn’t think she had done anything wrong. “What for?”

“For coming in here and yelling and shoving you around.” Looking up from her lap, she gave him a sympathetic smile. “You didn’t deserve that.”

James shrugged at her explanation. “Nah, I probably did...but thank you, anyway.”

“Okay, maybe a little.” Her smile grew a little wider and reached over to squeeze his hand. With a sigh, she stood up from the couch. “I should get going.” 

He quickly looked up and shook his head. “You don’t have to do that.” 

“I know, but I gotta get back to work.” Her hand briefly lifted like she was about to touch his face, but quickly let it fall back to her side. “I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

James nodded, feeling disappointed she had to go so soon. “Okay.” He stood up to walk her to the door. Right before she walked through the door, she put her hand on his forearm, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Take care of yourself, Barnes.”

“You too, Natalia.” 


End file.
